My journey to 40...

So I gave up journalling long ago, not intentionally, it just sort of happened.  Life got so busy I just couldn't or didn't want to find time and it was safe because no one could critique, praise or question my thoughts if they weren't divulged or discovered.

The hidden, procrastinating perfectionist was always at work in my mind.  Just as busy as I was on the outside, but unlike Kellee the planner and doer, behind the scenes, stuck in my mind worry wart Kellee was analysing, working overtime and agreeing on ways to not voice my opinion without appearing flaky to the outside world.

So thus my musings written, drawn and blogged ended bit by bit over periods of time starting from 1998→2001→2011.  Off and on the few who knew would remind me, but I'd easily brush it off and jump to more pertinent issues like family, work, religion etc.  It was so much easier to focus on other matters and persons than myself in my quest to give, remain selfless do my best, not be selfish and on and on and on and on and on in my head and one day my head got really tired and asked what's just for me that no one can lay claim or take away?  Where's that bit that's uniquely Kellee? Who cares what the world thinks?  Does the world actually care about what you think?

WOMAN PUT IT ON PAPER OR TYPE IT OR DRAW...DO SOMETHING SO I CAN GET SOME REST!!


And so after much internal, self-imposed anxiety, what better way and day to 'emancipate' myself from mental slavery than August 1, 2017 to officially restart my journalling and blogging.  After all the procrastination, doubt, yearning, prodding and encouragement, planning, doubt again...don't you have school work to start and finish?  You need more sleep...I can't sleep...Drink some water...JUST DO IT!!!


So I've done it, finally got out of my head and put it to paper and now blog.  I'm learning to give myself a break and not be so hard on me.  Just grow and relearn who I am for me and not just who I think I am or should be to others.

This journey has also reminded me of growing up wondering why my mother roamed the house, doing God knows what so early in the morning.  Why couldn't she sleep?  What needed to be done inside or outside at 4:00 IN THE MORNING?

GUESS WHO'S ALWAYS WIDE AWAKE AT 4:00 AM EVERYDAY PLANNING HER DAY?

Seems mum and I aren't so different after all...HERE'S TO MY JOURNEY TO 40.

WEEKLY INSPIRATION

See the inevitable changes not as threats, but as opportunities that can deepen our understanding and bring us wisdom and growth.
- Susan L. Taylor